Misconceptions

• Oh, about your great-grandmother -- there were no witches in Salem, just a single dark-skinned woman practicing her native religion. And by the way, no "witch" has ever been burned at the stake in America. (For more historical corrections that tend to annoy/anger Wiccans, look here.)
  
  
  
  About that Celtic knotwork -- most of the Bible-hating Wiccans I know would be horrified to learn that it was famous for being used to fill in the margins of old Christian (yes, Christian) illuminated manuscripts. (And "other stuff, too" -- added to satiate the nitpickers. Note that I've never found any of this "other stuff" to involve witchcraft.) Any "meanings" you've read for certain designs have only been recently invented as marketing/sales tactics.
  
  (BTW, to those Wiccans claiming to be Celtic: it was a culture, not a bloodline. And if you had some Celts in your family's background some thousands of years ago? Big deal. My ancestors invented fire and the wheel, but why the heck would I want to brag about it?)
  
  
• "Christianity stole lots of stuff from us, and then they nearly wiped us out!" For some obscure reason, you equate ancient paganism with Wicca. If it had anything to do with nature or females, by gum, it must have been some early branch of Wicca!
  
  Despite the fact that Wicca is only about 50 years old (which means it wasn't even invented until many years after Salem's trials) every fluffy believes wholeheartedly that Wicca is based on a secret religion that's somehow been hidden from the civilized world for thousands of years. (Even the Burning Times left no record of it!)
  
  I can honestly understand the growth of these myths in the 60's and 70's, when the rebellious teens were always in a highly-suggestible state of mind, but you should know better than to be that gullible. For more on the origins of your own effing religion, see the links page. Or read my no-BS History of Wicca page. (Unless you're still content to believe what your Ravenwolf-reading friends tell you to think about history.)
  
  
• "Just as long as I believe in the five elements, Wicca is anything I want it to be!" Absolutely NOT! Just as you can't add a green-skinned, three-eyed goddess statue to your communion altar and keep calling yourself "Catholic," neither can you mutilate "Wicca" to mean anything you'd like.
  
  If you'd ever read Wicca's 161 laws, you'd know that you're not supposed to claim Wicca as a religion -- in fact, you're supposed to preach that witchcraft is evil and deny that you practice it. But then you wouldn't be able to campaign for Sabbats off at work or send angry letters to your senators... let alone wear plate-sized pentacles to get attention!
  
  
  
  But I don't expect any of this to change your mind. After all, every lonely Wiccan knows that all of that 13-member coven skyclad stuff is totally optional.
  
  
• "So you're saying that we should practice Gardnerian Wicca down to the letter? How ignorant! One of the best things about Wicca is that we can be diverse and flexible!!!" Being "flexible" requires a starting point. Try to get some knowledge of what your religion was based on before you start grabbing and tossing like you're at a buffet table.
  
  
• "It's called being 'eclectic'!!!" From what I've seen, "Eclectic Wicca" is one percent Wicca and ninety-nine percent "make it up as I go along." Anything that you don't like gets thrown out. Getting spanked with a stick some forty times sounds too kinky? Forget the symbolism, just throw it out. Don't want twelve other people to see you naked? Just go buy a book called Solitary Wicca instead, and nevermind all that stuff about a witch's power being blocked by cloth. The Horned God looks too scary? Forget Him, just ignore that half of the religion. Everything aggressive and masculine and dark should be avoided, not revered, right? If you can call yourself a "witch" then you can call yourself "eclectic," too, and be a Wiccan without actually following any of the Wiccan religion.
  
  So you like to throw in some Buddhism and Native American dancing into your religion? Good for you. I actually have no problem with that. But please, please...! If you do this stuff, don't call yourself "Wiccan"! Say you have "some Wiccan influence." Do you want Wicca to become as muddled and corrupted as other religions???
  
  I recall seeing a particularly disturbing picture on a fluffy's webpage: a yin-yang with the caption "Another symbol they stole from us!" This is not a good sign, people.
  
  
• "So how am I supposed to know what's Wiccan and what's not?" Read some of Gardner's books. See if they mention anything at all about how to make macrame' and aromatherapy shampoo, eh? And remember: Most "Wiccans" are not practicing Wicca at all.
  
  Like you, they've only read about some watered-down, feelgood version of anti-Xian nature-worship that an author is promoting under the title of "Wicca." The author has taken out everything from the original version of Wicca that she doesn't agree with; her readers will scrap anything from her books that they don't think feels quite right; and the people they "teach" will walk away with a completely distorted concept of what Wicca involves. No wonder so many people are convinced that the sum total of Wicca is the Rede and the Five Elements!
  
  If this author knew anything about Wicca itself, wouldn't she mention the fivefold kiss?!? Or warn you about performing the Great Rite with your coven leaders to attain a higher degree? And if you're reading about a religion, wouldn't she explain a bit more about the ancient Gods whose names you've been casually dropping in her five-cent spells? (By the way -- have you ever noticed that the "Old Gods" are any Gods that weren't Christian? Just pick and choose, kids! Then refer to them as if they were all worshipped in this one, common, ancient, hidden religion.)
  
  
• "I found this Wiccan book and it's everything I've always believed in! Even the paranormal stuff that Christianity refuses to admit exists!" (Wow, you finally read a book? Maybe two, even?) If Wicca vaguely fits your beliefs, then it must explain everything supernatural and non-Xian, too -- even if the religion itself doesn't say anything about spirit animal guides or ouija boards or runes.
  
  We all know that Wicca applies universally to everything, so everything must apply universally to Wicca, too! That's why we can put unicorns, dragons, faeries, and various other mythological creatures (which actually exist, and are friendly and helpful despite all the legends) on our webpages. So break out your wiccan I-Ching set, your wiccan Amerindian totem pole, and your wiccan Egyptian ankh, and put 'em all on your altar to Athena (or Bast, or Kali -- any Goddess will do).
  
  
• "Never Again the Burning Times!" Oh, get over yourselves. This is a huge Wiccan misconception, those were not even witches being burned.
  
  So what's the real reason that every fluffy has a burning times graphic on their webpage? Quite frankly, I think it's so they'll feel special. It proves beyond a doubt how evil those other religions can be. By golly, as if we aren't oppressed and victimized enough as it is... we're all sure that at any moment, the Xians will point and scream "devil-worshippers!" in our general direction, so we should hold off the furious fundies by somehow changing their brainwashed minds with our "Never Again" glitter stickers.
  
  At the same time, the anti-Xtian "Wicca for Beginners!" pages I've seen are just as full of hate as the Burning Times were. Maybe we should cause pause and raise the collective consciousness of Wiccans for once.

 Immaturity  | Misconceptions  | Personal Gripes  | Stagnation